Make Monday after the Big Football Game a National Holiday
Do you know what's worse than a rattlesnake bite? Chasing 8,000 calories worth of bean dip with 9 drinks while watching the Big Game with your friends, then having to get up the next day and go to work. I mean, pretty sure we'd opt for the snake bite.
But, there is good news, there is hope. Based on the fact that we live in a democracy and have voting rights 'n stuff, we get to gather under the cause of liberty and petition the folks in Congress to make a critical change -- make the heartburn inducing Monday after the Big Game a national holiday. That's right. Close the office, close the banks, no mail delivery. I mean, let's be honest, you're not getting off the couch to go to the bank or mailbox anyways.